Today Might Just Be the Day...

What happens in the daily life of the family.. the drama of foster care, the adventures of parenting, & pictures to share with everyone!

But, wait! There’s More!

By: comment

Warning, this post may very well read like a commercial for Pogo Pass. But, in the middle I hope you like seeing my kiddos & I during our adventures in Tucson this weekend.

With B traveling so much, it’s been me and the kids solo for way too much time! And I think we may all be a little annoyed with each other. I also am a little tired of being the taxi driver for all teenage events–there are an awful lot of them these days & they always go past my bedtime! I also am more than a little of the crazy trouble my boys have found. And I, obviously, am done with friend drama. So, I decided, very last minute, that if Brian was going to be gone, we should be, too!

We found an awesome deal on a hotel in Tucson, and with Ebates, we are getting 7% back, too! And we have our awesome Pogo Passes, so we managed quite the adventure fairly affordably. I am afraid we still spent faster than B could earn, but not by too much.

Friday we drove down and enjoyed a quick night swim and a game of Uno. The kids were willing to put away all electronics for the night, and I don’t think they even missed them too much.

They would only let me take a photo if they got to do a silly one, too.. Somethings don’t change as they get older!

The next day we were up early to head to Oracle, AZ. Growing up in Iowa, I feel like I know *nothing* about Arizona–even though I have lived here longer than anywhere else. It was fun exploring our backyard. We went to Oracle State Park to hike in the morning. We enjoyed spotting all sorts of cacti & bugs. We also saw a couple rabbits & a few lizards.

Then we went in search of food. We managed to find the 1 restaurant in all of the United States that is closed on Saturdays. And then we found another that was open, but I think I missed the boat on this one. My food was amazing, but it was a little too fancy for the kids.

After lunch we headed to Arizona Zipline Adventures.

(Here is where I will insert the commercial for Pogo Pass! Nana & Papa have given our family these passes the last few years for Christmas and we love them! They say that they are usually $100, but I have always seen them for around $40. And they do fundraisers for schools and a referral program.. if you use my link I get $5 credit for next year. The Pogo Pass is sort of like having a membership for a bunch of places.. We easily get way more than is paid by using the passes to go to Tempe Paintball (one free trip a month!). And every summer we go to Sunsplash with our passes (that day alone is almost the full price of the Pogo Pass), plus it gets us into a couple Diamondbacks games, the Zoo, the IDEA Museum.. And, in Tucson, our passes gave us a discount on a zipline pass, free laser tag, & entry to the International Wildlife Museum! I totally think these are a smoking deal!)

At Arizona Zipline Adventures, the boys did a 2 hour zipline tour. It was so cool! Bean firmly passed on this one so I opted to stay grounded with her, but given the chance, I would totally do the zipline in the future! The guides were friendly and helpful. The scenery was beautiful. And the boys all agreed that it was a lot of fun. With our passes, we got a $25 discount for each person.

On the way back to our hotel we stopped at Eegee’s… Eegee’s is a Tucson institution. This was my first time going, but it’s one of those things I have heard everyone rave about. And, I am fairly certain that I could get lynched for saying this at U of A, but we all just thought it was ok.

I crashed early Saturday night because the sun and the wildlife had done me in.. My allergies were a mess and despite reapplying sunscreen 3 times, I was pink.

Sunday we got up and met Bean’s bio-mom for breakfast. She lives in Tucson and always comes up to see Bean, but we are never in that direction. It was so nice to get to see her! She is always so loving and gracious to all of us.

We didn’t keep score, but if we had, she would have won!

After lunch we headed to Golf N’ Stuff… The boys played laser tag, the girls played mini golf. All of those were paid for with our passes! Then the boys opted for go karts and we played at the arcade before we headed out to the International Wildlife Museum.

I truly had no idea what to expect at the Museum… I knew it was animals, so I was sort of envisioning some sort of zoo. Well, it’s pretty much the complete opposite of a zoo! All of the animals, save a couple insects, are dead and stuffed. But, once we got over the shock, it was really stinking cool. It really gave an interesting perspective… so often we see animals from afar, this gave us a chance to be right next to them!

Can’t believe that I am including this one, but it was the favorite animal of the teenage boys… Sigh!

We ended up heading back to Phoenix after that…

It was a bit of a whirlwind and totally last minute, but I think it was also a raging success. All of the kids said “Thank you” more than a couple times and there were lots of hugs and smiles and cuddles. And, it was a 100% drama free weekend!!

Happy to be home and to have been here to collect B from the airport. I am looking forward to having him home a whole 11 days before he’s off on his next adventure.

Let me know if you have questions about the Pogo Pass, or any of our adventures!

 

It’s Really Easy from the Sidelines…

By: comment

When I was younger, my mom was going through some of the same struggles I am now. Literally. She had a teenager who made some of the same or similar choices to my son. There was lying and hiding and even a little drug use. I remember thinking of what I would do that would fix everything. I remember offering to have him live with me.

But, now I know.. when you are facing it, it’s not easy. It’s not black and white. Never for a second did I doubt my mom’s love for my brothers. And I hope that nobody doubts mine.

Fast forward a few years, when we first got our little Bean, there was a chance to meet her bio-grandma… The only things I knew about her mom were that her mom was a meth addict and that Bean had a different dad than the other kids, but her mom was still married to the dad of the other kids. And I was clinging to the fact that her mom was a user… When I met her grandma, I expected to see the mom of an addict. And I was wrong. I was so incredibly wrong. I met a grandma who could have been my mom or my mother-in-law (they all share the same first name!). She loved her daughter and adored her grandkids. She wanted nothing but the best for them all. And she was making the best choices that she could.

I know that being a foster parent meant automatic judgement. And I am learning that being the parent of a teen who makes stupid choices equals automatic judgement.

What is hard for me, is that I am learning that even the people who I thought knew us, are judging us harshly. And it has really been hurting me. Especially since they have no clue what goes on in our house. They don’t know what consequences our kids have faced. And they haven’t been there with the crisis team. They haven’t been there in the family hugs when we are all hurting so badly.

And I think it’s easier to assume that we must be doing something wrong. I think that if they admit that there is a chance that we aren’t culpable, that they can tell themselves their child will never do anything like that. I think if they can lay blame on something, they can tell themselves that it will never be them. I think that assuming that we aren’t doing our jobs makes it easier to sleep at night. Maybe unconsciously even. I even blame myself at times, surely I have failed at motherhood to have to deal with what we’ve dealt with… And I am sure that there are things that I could have or should have done differently. But, I am also sure that I have done my best. Our family has sought and found resources for mental and behavioral health. We have found a team to support and help our kiddos. And we are just beginning to see progress!

Way back when I was teaching PS-MAPP, I would tell my future foster families that it is so easy to judge the bio-parents. And it is. And it can be easy to hate them. But, if we were judged on our worst day everyday, how would that look? As a teenager, I worked and volunteered, I was a better-than-average student, and I was super involved in my church.. But, I lied to my parents, I drank occasionally, I did all sorts of stupid stuff. And I think that most of us did. Thankfully, we don’t have to wear those bad choices on a shirt every day.

What’s my point? Heck if I know!! I just know that I am hurting. And I know that I don’t deserve that.

Whatever you do, don’t ask Google

By: comment

Have you ever felt miserable and googled your symptoms? Ever done a Web MD search? Did you find out that you probably have cancer and the type of cancer that you have is likely fatal?

It’s the same for criminal stuff. If you love someone who is facing charges, don’t Google. You just don’t want to know. Navigating the courts is scary, but, in this case, I think that it’s scarier knowing the possible outcoms.

In other news, parenting teenagers continues to be challenging. It is unlike anything that I ever imagined. I thought that navigating the foster care world would be the hardest thing we ever had to do as parents. And, it’s probably a good thing that I didn’t know. I would have missed out on the amazing days. The days with smiles and hugs and laughs. The pride of seeing them succeed. I wouldn’t wish our recent experiences on my worst enemy & I wouldn’t trade my kids for all of the money in the world.

If it’s easy, you’re doing it wrong

By: comment

Now that we have been parenting teens for a few years, I can tell you that it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

I used to ride a bicycle and I remember being told that the hardest hill is the one that you’re on. And that is true for parenting, 100%! When we didn’t sleep more than a two hours at a time and my days were full of diapers and crying, that was hard. When there were days that I cleaned up puke or urine or poop or sometimes all three, that was hard. When there was a toddler crying pretty much non-stop (usually not just one, they took turns!) it was hard. But, teenagers.. well, I know that it’s the hill we are on, but I also know that it’s a really massive hill.

The stakes are so very high! Adulthood is right around the corner. And they need to grow and learn and explore. They need to be more independent, but… but! Those are my babies. And they are still making mistakes. And the mistakes, with my boys, have been massive–and dangerous and scary. What’s worse? I still have two kiddos to go, I have two that haven’t even hit the teen years.

The hardest part is the same thing that challenged us when they were little. There is no answer book. We are feeling our way around in the dark. Thankfully, we have lots of resources. We have support from professionals. And we don’t have any ego about this crap. We are open to new ideas. And we are trying our hardest.

Yesterday was a massive slap in the face… One of ours is just making bad choices. I don’t know if it’s our fault. I don’t know if he has control over these decisions (we have learned, in our years as parents, that often they don’t even know “why” they do stuff). But, I do know that it’s hard. And I know that we won’t give up.

 

And the Vinster

By: comment

You know how the first born kid has books upon books of photos & the next kid has maybe a handful? And if there are more than 3 kids, there is no chance for that last kid? Well, that’s sort of how I have been lately! I was so good about getting some photos of d up on this page and I got all misty posting them.

Well, I did the same for V. I combed through photos and got all misty again and was all set to share them, but it just never happened. The truth? Having a kid here 5 days a week is kicking my booty! But, one of the kiddos I watch is sick. And that gives me a little breathing room. So, I did what every SAHM to school aged kids should do. I relaxed! I slept in, I did my chores at a leisurely pace and I even spent a little time sewing! And now I have a little time to blog.

Our youngest son turned 10 last month. In fact, it’s nearly been a month since his birthday! V came to us at 20 months old. And he has been a surprise in so many ways… We never thought he’d be placed with us. We had a crib ready when he was born, but they didn’t remove him. So, we were shocked when they called a year and a half later asking if we knew he was in foster care. Then he showed up a couple months later with dark blonde hair and huge blue eyes. We thought they might have the wrong kid at the wrong place. But, it turns out he was in the perfect place. He was Grandpa David’s favorite grandkid… He is Mr. Popularity. He is stubborn and smart–maybe even a little too smart! He is the most loving and gentle kid. He has a soft heart, but does protect it. And he’s so very handsome.

 

Happy birthday to the Vinstigator!

 

Wasn’t he a doll?

My 3 boys the first day that the little dude was placed with us.

IMG_3513

And now he’s a total ham!

The Positive Side

By: comment

adoption-party-073Teaching the class I taught to future foster/adoptive parents, there was one common complaint among my students. Class after class they would tell us that we were too negative. We only shared the hardships of fostering. We only shared the horror stories.adoption-party-030

Now, even though we are no longer fostering, I still try to keep connected to foster and adoptive parents.

And, honestly, so very much of what they share is their hardships, their struggles… It’s hard work. It’s life in the trenches.

I spend a lot of my time still fighting the affects of early childhood trauma. Even though we closed our license years ago, and we are a forever family, those scars remain. More than that, some of the wounds haven’t even healed!

But, today is not the day to dwell on that. Today is a day to celebrate!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

A few months after they moved in with us

The reason we never shared the good in being a foster parent… It’s because it doesn’t need to be spoken. It’s obvious. From the first second you even think about fostering, you can already picture the child you will love. The instant you meet them, you fall in love. The good is so abundant.

Today is the day that our family became a forever family.

After three years in the system our boys were finally ours!

They are the good.

So hard to imagine life without them.. How did we survive before?

2015

By: comment

So much has happened, but most of it has just been life… The normal busy stuff. The normal day to day, kids, work, friends, sports, school, scouts…

There are huge changes looming on the horizon for us, but nothing that is clear or ready for the masses.

But, we have already started taking on 2015. I ran another half marathon, not quickly! Beanie is days away from cookie season. V & D both have birthdays next week & Dan is already up to his old (bad!) habits at school.

And I, too, am up to my bad habits… I started this post weeks ago & forgot all about it.

In fact, just now I went to get a straw. Seeing the drawer so cluttered, I found 15 things to either toss or donate. Once the crap was out of the way, I saw how dirty the actual drawer was & had to clean that. Ten minutes to grab a straw! That is how my days have been going lately!

Loving sharing the role of Baby

By: comment

I used to worry about having babies around. B & V can both be very jealous. But, the little dude is showing me that B is ok with sharing the role of baby. She does want more hugs & kisses from him than he wants to share, but they make it work.

20140613-150206.jpg

20140613-150215.jpg

Kind of funny because I gave up the baby title at 9. And there were ups and downs, but I remember demanding lots of affection from our little dude, too. I don’t think I scarred him 😉

Home again?

By: comment

When I was finishing my last semester at NAU, one of my most favorite professors of all time gave each of
her students a pine cone… A little
piece of Flagstaff, a reminder of our time here. And she, wisely, told us that the next time we returned it wouldn’t be the same. And it’s true…

There are so many comfortable familiar places and parts of Flagstaff.
So many memories and stories and the birth of many of my dearest friendships, too.

But, NAU is no longer the same. The city isn’t really home.

And that’s ok.

Because now it’s something different! During my years here I worked, partied (a lot!), studied (a little!), volunteered.. I never was a tourist though. And I never was a mom. This time I get to mini golf and swim (2 things I don’t think I ever did in my NAU years). I get snuggles and bedtime stories and to be beat at pool by my preteen. I get to go to bed early so I have energy to walk and hike and play. I only have a couple of days before I go back to the heat and work. We’ll see if we do much as far as the tourist thing. But, for now I am loving the “mom on vacation” thing.

20140603-103847.jpg

20140603-103856.jpg

Day 1

By: comment

How many days over the summer you think I will manage to post…?

 

I tend to go in spurts. And sometimes living takes all of me–no energy to type about it!

Anyhow, right now I am typing at Taco Bell. We are taking advantage of a freebie. When the D-backs score 6 or more, you can get 3 free tacos if you buy a large soda the next day. And B & I don’t need 3 so the boys are enjoying 4 tacos each & I can type.

Before this little jaunt we spent the day; getting my allergy shot, doing laundry (3ish loads), playing with the little dude, going to the Science Center, playing sidewalk chalk with the neighbors, swimming with the neighbors (in the morning @ their house, this afternoon at ours), and playing a few video games.

Next up = dog food run & *maybe* one more errand before we head home & I make dinner #2.

 

And, in case I forget, the plan for tomorrow includes movies, helping/visiting Grandma’s garage sale, playing with a toddler & getting *free* ice cream.

 

I will also note–free is huge for me over the summer! The movies are less than $1 a kid & thanks to Nana & Papa we have a Science Center membership. I try to keep our summers full and fun without spending a fortune.

20140601-204432.jpg