One of the things that has cracked me up this summer is seeing a new side of D. He has always been the kid with the most energy. He doesn’t like to just veg out with the tv. But, I had no idea how much he relies (thrives?) on my keeping the family busy.

There are a bunch of blog posts floating around about making your kids play and letting them be bored. And while I agree with that in principle, I think having independent kids is awesome, I keep the kids busy for my own sanity. When we are busy we have less time to trash the house, less energy for fighting, an incentive to get chores done (to get to the fun!)… Basically it works for us. Busy kids = happy mama 🙂

Anyhow, D knows we keep busy, but he wants a plan. So, I have made a little Pinterest inspired creation to show him the plan.

As I sit here and listen to the screaming kid, I ponder his wails.

Allow me to be a bit snarky while I guess why the wails..

He just realized you really did name him Track.

And he realized that he won’t be able to change that for another 15 years or so.

He is realizing that his mom couldn’t care less about his safety (just a guess by the fact that she’s watching him do all sorts of stupid stuff that’s against the rules & just dangerous on the trampolines).

He just realized the free wifi in her stinks! (And it totally does! I am with him on that one)

He is insanely jealous of sibling set in all matching outfits for no apparent reason. Not the jealously, that is understood.. The 5 matching outfits is a little odd though.

He met a kid with a more unique first name?

And my best guess…?

Because his mom lets him?

Shut that kid up! Or at least try to do something… And, Track? Really? Or did you spell it Traque to be creative?

Sigh.

There are times that I forget about our struggle. There are days and weeks that I don’t think about the fact that I have PCOS. There are times that I don’t yearn for a baby.

But, then there are the times that it comes up.

Sometimes I expect the sorrow.

Other times the grief sneaks up on me.

I have studied grief. And it stinks. It stinks knowing that I have so far to go still.

And I don’t know how to move forward.

I am sad and angry and want to have a massive tantrum.

And I can’t. And it’s something that so few people understand. And those that do likely see my beautiful children & wonder how dare I be sad. But, it’s possible. I know how lucky I am. I am so very grateful for my children. I love them. I wouldn’t take back our journey to a forever family.

But, I do still grieve. I never got the chance to anticipate a baby. I never got to enjoy each day without the fear of them leaving. I look at their beautiful faces in awe. But, there is no part of me.

We just started the next phase of summer vacay.. I am back on my own.

My parents left this morning. While they’re here I have an extra set of eyes and hands and a little energy to borrow. I also get to talk to adults. I think/hope/pray that talking to my children will eventually be like talking with adults, but we aren’t there just yet.

Safe travels to Nana & Papa & extra caffeine for me 🙂

So lucky to be spending the day with my dad & husband this year.. Although, I will admit that I could do without all the golf on tv.

But, it’s hot here. And the things that my dad would love to be doing are sort of out–golfing, hiking, biking, walking. And my husband would love to be at the movies, but the offerings are a bit thin. So, golf has won out.

And, as our family does, we also celebrated through food.. Pork chops, salad, roasted potatoes & fresh pineapple were lunch. And we had the dads’ favorites for desert–fresh baked cookies for Papa & homemade peach cobbler for B.

The cobbler was extra special this time. Davey made it himself! I read the recipe & did some oversight, but he was the chef. And it was awesome!

And it’s gone!

That is the question of the week. The kids came back home on Tuesday. So, I have had 5 kids to entertain. And it’s just hot out. Yesterday the answer was swimming in our pool. Today we hit the library and a local park with a splash pad.

Tomorrow the plan is a summer movie.

Family photo from last weekend in Sedona 🙂

Compared to our normal, today hasn’t been all that crazy. But, sleeping with a kicking mule Bean & in a new bed made for a rough night.

Today was mostly swimming and walking and golf.

And now it’s game time. Nana loves games…