There are times that I forget about our struggle. There are days and weeks that I don’t think about the fact that I have PCOS. There are times that I don’t yearn for a baby.
But, then there are the times that it comes up.
Sometimes I expect the sorrow.
Other times the grief sneaks up on me.
I have studied grief. And it stinks. It stinks knowing that I have so far to go still.
And I don’t know how to move forward.
I am sad and angry and want to have a massive tantrum.
And I can’t. And it’s something that so few people understand. And those that do likely see my beautiful children & wonder how dare I be sad. But, it’s possible. I know how lucky I am. I am so very grateful for my children. I love them. I wouldn’t take back our journey to a forever family.
But, I do still grieve. I never got the chance to anticipate a baby. I never got to enjoy each day without the fear of them leaving. I look at their beautiful faces in awe. But, there is no part of me.