Today Might Just Be the Day...

What happens in the daily life of the family.. the drama of foster care, the adventures of parenting, & pictures to share with everyone!

No money Monday?

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Brian always laughs at me, but for some reason I’m more successful at things if I make them into a game. I think it might be genetic (flaw?).

Anyhow, I have the tendency to spend money mindlessly. I admit it. Sigh.

So, I’m going to set up a game with myself and see if I can make Mondays a day when I don’t spend a single dollar. Think I can do it?

Today one of the teachers in Bethany’s class was really late so I was at school most of the morning helping out. And I’m almost on my way back to pick up the kids. So, I think that today will be an easy success for me.

I’ll keep you updated!

Things you should know about foster parents.

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I don’t vent (much) on here, but was just thinking about some of the things that get a little annoying as a foster parent. And I *know* that most people do not mean harm or ill will, so I figured maybe I could pass along a little education so that next time you meet a foster parent, you won’t say anything offensive.

For the record, I really don’t get offended.. just a little annoyed.

Here it goes;

*Please don’t ask if I have any “real” children. All of my children are real. None are made out of plastic. And even if they aren’t my children forever, they are my children from the day that they come into our home. And they will always be my children in my heart, even after they leave.

*It’s rude to ask where my kids came from. They all came into the world the same way you or I did. They were born to a mother. They have a father. And it shouldn’t matter if their birth parents are here or there.

*Yes, my children know they aren’t biologically mine. Most of mine look nothing like me!

*I can’t tell you what happened with their biological parents. Would you like it if I were out an about airing the worst of your deeds to all of the general public?

*I don’t know when they will go home.

*Yes, it is very hard to “give them back”. But, they have a family. And I want the very best for my kids.

*No, I do not have a special place in heaven. Nor do I view what I do as God’s work. Honestly, I started fostering out of my own selfish want to be a parent. Now that we took the leap, we know we can handle it and we want to continue to help children. You could do the same. Even a small thing can help the life of a child. So, stop making me out to be a hero and look inside yourself for what you could do to help society–even if foster children aren’t your passion, you certainly could be doing good somewhere.

*Yes, I have my hands full, but it’s not really a compliment when you comment on it like that.

*Even though I am Caucasian, it hurts me deeply when you make racist comments. Those are my children you are talking about.

*Just like my children aren’t plastic, neither am I. I am the “real” mom. The woman who gave birth is also real, she’s the biological mom. I’m either the adoptive mom or the foster mom or just mom. You’re pick. Just keep in mind that none of this is pretend. It’s all very real!

*Just because my children weren’t planned (per say) and we didn’t wait around 9 months for them, does not mean they should be celebrated any less. I’m not saying that there needs to be a shower for every child who comes into a home, but if you’d make a dish for a new mom, it’d be nice to offer a meal for a new foster parent.

*The behaviors you see from my kids are not because they are bad kids. Every behavior is an expression of a need. But, when kids go through trauma and neglect sometimes they don’t learn the “correct” (whatever that means) expression. My kids have to go through and unlearn and awful lot and we’re all trying really hard here.

*There are about a bazillion easier ways to get rich than through foster care.

*The foster parents you see on the news are not the normal foster parents. They’re usually horrible people. Please do not judge me based on the news.

*Foster parents don’t look a certain way, they aren’t a set religion. There’s no set age. Each parent who chooses to foster makes that decision for his or her own reasons. You really can’t pick us out of a crowd.

*Adoptions are a *big* deal! I didn’t just have an accident with a condom. I have fought for my kids. I have gone to court. I have cried with joy and wept with sorrow. I don’t even know what else to say about it. Just know that when we invite you to celebrate with us, when we share the news about an adoption… it’s very important to us.

*If you’re buying gifts for one of our children, please include all of them. If you can’t afford to buy for all of them, don’t buy anything at all. If you want, just buy one thing for them to share. Or just go to the dollar store. I will cover for you, or try, but it hurts my feelings as much (if not more) that my kids. I love them all. I hate that some people can’t see that. If anything, my foster kids need more than our forever kids.

*Nearly all foster children just show up with the clothes on their body. And we know nothing about them. No child should have to go without. No child should have to lose a family.

*My children aren’t going to just “get over” being in foster care. Even when they’re adults, they will still have two sets of parents. Please continue to respect us and them as we continue to learn and grow together.

*Although I may be crazy. Me being a foster parent is not the evidence 🙂

*Even though we don’t say it often enough, and despite the fact that our actions and words might be evidence to the contrary, we appreciate the people who’ve stood by us. We know that this process is hard on our friends and family, too. We are sorry that our kids have taken away the friend, daughter, son, sister, parent that we used to be. We aren’t busier on purpose. We don’t want to take you for granted. Thank you for being there for us!

****Oh, and last (for now), but not least… I do *NOT* need a minivan! Ha! That one’s in there for a couple people, I’m sure you know who you are.****

What a day for a daydream

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Can you believe it? Look at those babies! They were so little. And so very cute! I guess somethings haven’t changed that much. I’m going to kick myself if I can’t find the pictures that I’m looking for. Somewhere on this computer, I have pictures of Daniel and David the first day they ever came to our home. These pictures are within the first month or so that they were with us, but I will always remember them as they were that first day. They both had on overalls. They were so tiny and so curious. Brian and I were so nervous and excited and full of anticipation and hope and fear. I found the pictures!

We got the call at the end of July. There was a little guy at the house that I was doing respite for. They called and asked us if we’d be interested in two little boys. A two year old and a three year old. And, of course, we said yes. The first time we went out to meet the boys, we couldn’t get past the door. The caseworker had forgotten to let the shelter know we were coming so we were stuck waiting. The next time we went we played with the boys. It was clear how loved they were. The workers at the shelter had cared for our sons like they were their sons. Daniel told Brian as soon as he could, “My mom is sick, but she’s going to get better and come get me.” I think we should have known we were in trouble at that point.

We went back a week or so later and took the boys to McDonald’s. We *really* should have gotten the hint at this point! David climbed straight to the top of the play structure and then started bawling. He could get up, but not down. I scaled that sucker as fast as I could.

I joke that foster care is a lot like child birth.. thankfully you don’t really remember how bad it was or you’d never do it again! I know that I was so anxious for them to come to our home. I remember shopping at yard sales before seeing them. I remember just waiting for the phone to ring with an update. The first ride to our home with the boys, I just kept trying to get them to talk.

After a couple weeks, on August 11, 2005, Daniel and David came home.

They didn’t sleep through the night. Daniel regressed in his potty training. David would mutter, “stupidhead” to himself all day long. I was working full time still. I swear, Brian didn’t eat for at least a week or two. On my first day back to work, I called Jason (Brian’s cousin) to come over. He didn’t get why Brian would need company until he showed up.. when he got here, one of the kids was standing on the coffee table, the other was hitting the big screen with a matchbox car. Ha!

I don’t think that either of us thought it was funny back then.

The first time that I knew that I was mom was when I first took Daniel to day care. I think it was only a day or two after he was placed with us. Daniel wasn’t a very emotional kid back then and he kept his distance from me–I was not his mom at that point. Anyhow, I got there and took him into the room and walked out and as soon as I got a couple steps out he started crying.

I cried and sobbed and bawled the whole way to work. I hated that day care for not scooping him up and fixing all of his problems. I had fallen for him, hard.

And, as I wipe away the tears, it’s very clear that it wasn’t puppy love. Those boys have filled my soul. They made me what I was born to be–a mom. And they made us a family.

Brian and I never knew how good we were together until we became parents. It’s our biggest strength as a couple. And we had no clue until we added those little guys to the mix.

School…

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Today is the first day of school for three of my four.
Our little guy doesn’t start until next week.

All of them have been at school for a couple hours now & I can honestly say that I don’t miss them. Ha! It is possibly a little *too* quiet though. The little guy is trying to talk enough for all of them, I assure you.

At the top, you’ll see photos of each of the kiddos by our front door. I take one each year. I figure it’ll be a good visual of how much they’ve grown over the years.

I started this much earlier and now all are home. All are fed. And all are off to bed. There was no drama. They all were excited. David’s “girlfriends” from last year are in his class. Daniel knows two girls in his class, but it will be up to him to make a new best friend as his moved over the summer. Bethany is the oldest in her class this year (how is that possible?). She only had one accident–but she also didn’t sleep during nap time. I guess she thinks that now that she’s the “big girl” she doesn’t need those.

The little guy and I didn’t do much around here today, but I figure that a little down time was just fine for us.

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Sigh.

It’s so calm right now.

Brian and all of the kids are sleeping. The only noise is Brian’s snore, my typing and the air conditioner.

My little brother has been returned safely to base. He works for a few days and then gets a couple more weeks off. It was *really* good to see him. I think he had fun. I know that the kids loved playing with him. And now that he knows how close we are, maybe we’ll see a little more of him.

We are still in CA. We spent the morning swimming.

School starts on Monday, but I’m hoping that this trip will make summer last just a little bit longer. I think the main reason that I’m longing for more summer is the fact that it’s cooler here! It’s only 100, rather than the 113 that we’ve been having at home. It’s also nice to be able to run the air conditioner all day long and not stress. And the pool is great. Almost makes me wish that we had one.

Our little guy still amazes me with how far he’s come with swimming since the summer started. Today there was another little boy in the pool and he was right where our little guy was at the beginning of summer. He liked the water, but wasn’t ready to make any sudden moves. Now our guy was swimming in circles around this kid. The cutest quote of the day (thus far) was from him. He’d just met the other little boy and he asks me, “Mom, can I invite my new best friend over to play?”

Too bad we don’t all think of total strangers as our new best friends.

Brian and I dined at one of his friend’s home last week. And I think that I may have met a new friend there. The meal was probably the best that I’d ever tasted. And the company was fun. This family welcomed us with open arms.

Anyhow, now I’m just rambling… I think I’m going to go see if I can sleep at all during this peaceful time.

https://www.momtomany.net/54/

All back together again…

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Finally!

We are home!

My little brother is home from Iraq 🙂 and staying with us for a few days. And my older boys are back home, too!

Such excitement.

Andrew just finished his second tour. Brian and the littles and I made the trip out to meet him in 29 Palms. He has his days and nights mixed up, but we love having him here and the kids adore their uncle Andrew. I just wish the dog didn’t think he was such a threat.

And only a few hours after we got home with Andrew, Daniel and David flew back from Colorado. They had such a good time with Grandma and Grandpa that I don’t think any of them wanted it to end. But, we are very happy to have them home.

I think that we are very lucky. We have great parents who play a big role in our kids’ lives even though they aren’t close.

I don’t have time to post much–Daniel goes to the dentist today for spacers and I need to get all the troops out the door soon… But, I will share just a photo or two from Colorado. One day when I figure out this blogging junk, the photos will be where I think they should go, but for now.. photos on top, then text.

Does Anyone Know What Time It Is?

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So, I’ve been wanting to post about this since I was going through it.. The concert on Friday was *amazing*! We went to see Earth, Wind & Fire along with Chicago.

Brian surprised me with tickets for the concert for my birthday. And the bigger part of the surprise came when we went to our seats. We were in the middle of the 3rd row! I am pretty sure that’s the closest that I’ve ever been other than standing room only shows. And near the end of the show we stood up and were close enough to touch the stage.

They opened the show with both bands playing together…

Then Earth, Wind & Fire played their set. Hearing the horns live and seeing all the energy is just so much fun.

We also had a great time people watching. There was a single woman in front of us who just rocked out the whole night. She looked to be around 60 & asked Brian how much a beer was. When he told her ($8) she responded, “Boy, you must be thirsty.” Ha! She had a very cute twang to it all as well. There were also a few couples who looked like they were wearing the same outfits that they wore to watch Earth, Wind & Fire some twenty odd years later.

Then Chicago took over for their set. I knew every.single.word by heart.

Then, they played together again. It was a two hour long show that went by in an instant. And we were both beat from singing and dancing the night away afterwards.

Here’s a little silent video.. we didn’t have the right camera for sound…

I know it’s not right to brag, but I need to just a bit. After the concert, Brian surprised me with a night at the Arizona Biltmore. The room was beautiful and the bed was so comfy. Then we slept in! And after all of that we had a couples massage. How did I get so lucky? I’d say that it was a great way to start this next year of my life. I feel like I’ve started my 30’s going strong!

Happy Birthday Team DuBose

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We are two!

It was two years ago today that Brian and I became parents, well in the eyes of the law anyhow. It’s odd. It doesn’t feel like two years have past, but it feels like they’ve been my boys forever. And I guess somehow they really have been. When I think of the chances and timing and luck that were involved in us becoming the family for those two boys, it blows my mind. And now, with our little guy… how can I imagine life without him?

I do need to put a huge thank you out there. I’m thankfully for our friends, family, and neighbors who welcomed these two little guys so willingly. I’m thankful for whomever it was who called CPS and let someone know that these children needed help (never an easy call to make, I’m sure). I’m thankful for their birth mother. I’m thankful for the judges and caseworkers who all work to do the right thing for our kids. Most of all, I’m thankful to Brian, for being willing to go along on this crazy journey with me and for being the best daddy possible to these boys.

It wasn’t long after the adoption that Daniel started school. I remember being so happy that I was able to change his name before school started. And he was so proud to be adopted! They made a book of why they are special and his page says, “I’m special because I’m adopted”. There are so many things that make him special, but the adoption part makes him ours!

On this date..

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31 years ago I was born (thanks Mom).
24 years ago I rode on part of RAGBRAI for the first time.
16 years ago I was in London and my friend gave me a Snicker’s bar with matches for candles in lieu of a cake.
15 years ago I got my first driver’s license.
13 years ago I was on a road trip with no parents and I bought my first beer.
10 years ago I bought my first *legal* beer.
7 years ago the love of my life asked if I would be his bride (thanks Brian).
5 years ago Brian and I decided that we wanted to grow our family.
4 years ago we were waiting to hear if we’d been approved as foster parents.
1 year ago I was helping a friend get ready to start her married life.

Today, that same friend gave birth to a beautiful baby girl! And I get to spend my day with the love of my life.