parenting

And the Vinster

February 26, 2016 By: Amandacomment

You know how the first born kid has books upon books of photos & the next kid has maybe a handful? And if there are more than 3 kids, there is no chance for that last kid? Well, that’s sort of how I have been lately! I was so good about getting some photos of d up on this page and I got all misty posting them.

Well, I did the same for V. I combed through photos and got all misty again and was all set to share them, but it just never happened. The truth? Having a kid here 5 days a week is kicking my booty! But, one of the kiddos I watch is sick. And that gives me a little breathing room. So, I did what every SAHM to school aged kids should do. I relaxed! I slept in, I did my chores at a leisurely pace and I even spent a little time sewing! And now I have a little time to blog.

Our youngest son turned 10 last month. In fact, it’s nearly been a month since his birthday! V came to us at 20 months old. And he has been a surprise in so many ways… We never thought he’d be placed with us. We had a crib ready when he was born, but they didn’t remove him. So, we were shocked when they called a year and a half later asking if we knew he was in foster care. Then he showed up a couple months later with dark blonde hair and huge blue eyes. We thought they might have the wrong kid at the wrong place. But, it turns out he was in the perfect place. He was Grandpa David’s favorite grandkid… He is Mr. Popularity. He is stubborn and smart–maybe even a little too smart! He is the most loving and gentle kid. He has a soft heart, but does protect it. And he’s so very handsome.

Happy birthday to the Vinstigator!

Wasn’t he a doll?

My 3 boys the first day that the little dude was placed with us.

And now he’s a total ham!

The Positive Side

July 27, 2015 By: Amandacomment

adoption-party-073 Teaching the class I taught to future foster/adoptive parents, there was one common complaint among my students. Class after class they would tell us that we were too negative. We only shared the hardships of fostering. We only shared the horror stories. adoption-party-030

Now, even though we are no longer fostering, I still try to keep connected to foster and adoptive parents.

And, honestly, so very much of what they share is their hardships, their struggles… It’s hard work. It’s life in the trenches.

I spend a lot of my time still fighting the affects of early childhood trauma. Even though we closed our license years ago, and we are a forever family, those scars remain. More than that, some of the wounds haven’t even healed!

But, today is not the day to dwell on that. Today is a day to celebrate!

A few months after they moved in with us

The reason we never shared the good in being a foster parent… It’s because it doesn’t need to be spoken. It’s obvious. From the first second you even think about fostering, you can already picture the child you will love. The instant you meet them, you fall in love. The good is so abundant.

Today is the day that our family became a forever family.

After three years in the system our boys were finally ours!

They are the good.

So hard to imagine life without them.. How did we survive before?

2015

February 10, 2015 By: Amandacomment

So much has happened, but most of it has just been life… The normal busy stuff. The normal day to day, kids, work, friends, sports, school, scouts…

There are huge changes looming on the horizon for us, but nothing that is clear or ready for the masses.

But, we have already started taking on 2015. I ran another half marathon, not quickly! Beanie is days away from cookie season. V & D both have birthdays next week & Dan is already up to his old (bad!) habits at school.

And I, too, am up to my bad habits… I started this post weeks ago & forgot all about it.

In fact, just now I went to get a straw. Seeing the drawer so cluttered, I found 15 things to either toss or donate. Once the crap was out of the way, I saw how dirty the actual drawer was & had to clean that. Ten minutes to grab a straw! That is how my days have been going lately!

Loving sharing the role of Baby

June 13, 2014 By: Amandacomment

I used to worry about having babies around. B & V can both be very jealous. But, the little dude is showing me that B is ok with sharing the role of baby. She does want more hugs & kisses from him than he wants to share, but they make it work.

Kind of funny because I gave up the baby title at 9. And there were ups and downs, but I remember demanding lots of affection from our little dude, too. I don’t think I scarred him 😉

Home again?

June 3, 2014 By: Amandacomment

When I was finishing my last semester at NAU, one of my most favorite professors of all time gave each of
her students a pine cone… A little
piece of Flagstaff, a reminder of our time here. And she, wisely, told us that the next time we returned it wouldn’t be the same. And it’s true…

There are so many comfortable familiar places and parts of Flagstaff.
So many memories and stories and the birth of many of my dearest friendships, too.

But, NAU is no longer the same. The city isn’t really home.

And that’s ok.

Because now it’s something different! During my years here I worked, partied (a lot!), studied (a little!), volunteered.. I never was a tourist though. And I never was a mom. This time I get to mini golf and swim (2 things I don’t think I ever did in my NAU years). I get snuggles and bedtime stories and to be beat at pool by my preteen. I get to go to bed early so I have energy to walk and hike and play. I only have a couple of days before I go back to the heat and work. We’ll see if we do much as far as the tourist thing. But, for now I am loving the “mom on vacation” thing.

Day 1

May 29, 2014 By: Amandacomment

How many days over the summer you think I will manage to post…?

I tend to go in spurts. And sometimes living takes all of me–no energy to type about it!

Anyhow, right now I am typing at Taco Bell. We are taking advantage of a freebie. When the D-backs score 6 or more, you can get 3 free tacos if you buy a large soda the next day. And B & I don’t need 3 so the boys are enjoying 4 tacos each & I can type.

Before this little jaunt we spent the day; getting my allergy shot, doing laundry (3ish loads), playing with the little dude, going to the Science Center, playing sidewalk chalk with the neighbors, swimming with the neighbors (in the morning @ their house, this afternoon at ours), and playing a few video games.

Next up = dog food run & *maybe* one more errand before we head home & I make dinner #2.

And, in case I forget, the plan for tomorrow includes movies, helping/visiting Grandma’s garage sale, playing with a toddler & getting *free* ice cream.

I will also note–free is huge for me over the summer! The movies are less than $1 a kid & thanks to Nana & Papa we have a Science Center membership. I try to keep our summers full and fun without spending a fortune.

Yea but…

August 2, 2013 By: Amandacomment

So, there is an article that has been floating around my Facebook page. It’s a letter from a stay at home mom to her partner about needing a break.

And it was interesting. Being a SAHM was so different than I imagined. There are still days (more than I care to admit) that I look around and wonder what happened. My plans fall apart, the messes multiply, and a kid pukes ; p

*But*, it’s a good gig. I am so incredibly lucky to have a husband who loves me and provides for all of us. We made a commitment to having a stay at home parent and both value that role.

There are two things I wish I could tell every woman who reads and agrees with that article.

1. This stage is temporary… Little kids are only little for a short period of time. Those days are long and hard and tough. But, they’re limited. I won’t tell you that you will look back and miss them. But, I will tell you that you can and will survive and it’ll be done in the blink of an eye.

In a few blinks of an eye, they’ll be in school full time. Very soon, they won’t want to be in the bathroom with you. And, right after that, they won’t want to admit they know you & won’t even want to be seen with you.

These years aren’t a joke, but they are short. This, too, shall pass!

2. Your husband isn’t the only answer. Yes, SAHP need a break, they need adult conversation, and a life to live. But, those things don’t *have* to come at the expense of your marriage. And your partner isn’t the only one who can fill that need.

Family members can be a huge help. Grandma or Auntie or even a cousin can step up and help. It can be hard to ask, but the answer “yes” is worth that!

No family nearby? Hire some help… Maybe a mother’s helper is the answer, maybe you need a full-on nanny. We had an amazing set of extra hands work with our family for 3 years. She was with the kids 3 afternoons and one evening a week. We were able to have date nights, I could have one on one time with the kids, and I could do laundry without folding around a toddler. It was expensive, but it was worth it.

No cash for that? Trade! Find another mom, trade mornings. Again, it can be hard to ask, but so worth it!

There are other options, too. Look at your church, use the daycare at the gym (you can just take a solo shower! They won’t care!), get creative!

I don’t think there is anything wrong with the working parent jumping in. I loathe when my kids refer to B as their “babysitter”. He’s not, he’s dad. But, he’s a dad who works really hard and needs a break, too.

No matter your role, parenting isn’t for wimps.

Parenting fail

November 6, 2012 By: Amandacomment

So, the Bean lost tooth #3 at school yesterday.

And this morning she dropped major tears. The tooth fairy missed her tooth. That bitch! 😉 Whoops!

Then, after school, somehow kid #3 wound up at home *alone* rather than at running club with the rest of us…

Add those to the fact that I took kid #2 to the dentist yesterday & he had a cavity….

I think they’re taking my name off the “Mom of the Year” ballot.

Sigh.

(Hope you voted!)

The Good and the Bad

October 18, 2012 By: Amandacomment

The kids went back to school yesterday (good!). But, I forgot to e-mail their teachers (bad). I was going to let them know about the loss so that they could keep me in the loop if any of the kids had any behaviors that were out of the ordinary. Well, with me forgetting, two of the kids brought it up on their own. Which, I think is a good thing. They seem to be able to talk about it. I think that shows that they’re going through the grieving process.

Through being a foster parent and training the PS-MAPP classes for so long, I learned a lot about grief. The kids that are in the system go through a tremendous amount of loss. They go through loss that is so jarring that many of them cannot recover completely. When you read about kids with attachment disorders, those are the kids who never got back to being a kid. I am grateful for what I learned. I think it makes me a better mom and a better person overall. But, as we’re going through this grieving process, I almost wish I didn’t know. Things have been going o.k. for B and his family. But, I am so incredibly worried about what lies ahead.

I think about the holidays and how they will have sadness attached to them from now on… I know that families go through this every.single.day. But, it still makes me sad for my kiddos. I don’t want them to have to think about who is missing. It’s just not fair (true and bad).

Sigh.

Anyhow, I do see some good. The other day the kids and I went to see D’s therapist and we really focused on Grandpa during the session. Afterwards, the therapist sat down with me one-on-one. She said that the reaction she’s seeing from the kids is typical (good) and that it will take them a long time to process everything. I am just so glad that we have her there as a resource. And I am so thankful for our friends and family who have been thinking/praying about and for us. We are not a religious family, but my theory is that a little bit of extra love is *never* a bad thing.

Please, go and hug on your loved ones just a little bit extra for us today!

Loss

October 9, 2012 By: Amanda3 Comments

We are mid-air on our journey home. I didn’t expect this to be a happy or easy day, tired kids and the stress of travel don’t make for the most peaceful days, even in the best of circumstances. But, I had no clue what a heart-breaking journey this would be…

Yesterday, as we were waiting in customs, B got a call from his sister. His father has passed away….

Only a few months ago, Grandpa was feeling healthy and looking strong. He was having some stomach issues, and they were playing with his diet, but it seemed there was nothing more going on… But, the stomach issues continued to grow. He spent about a week in the hospital a little over a month ago—his gall bladder was removed, they treated him for pneumonia and they put in a stint. He left, but never made it back to healthy.

A few weeks ago he was back in the hospital and they finally found the cause—cancer. Such a horrible disease. Thankfully, they live close to us and their daughter so we were all able to be together and laugh and cry and support him and Grandma..

He’s been doing chemo for the past few weeks. And he was doing o.k. Have I mentioned that cancer sucks?

As you know, my family was gathering in FL for our cruise… We saw Grandpa the morning we left. I wish we would have gotten all of the kids out for hugs, but had my crystal ball been working we would have skipped the whole trip.

I feel so incredibly sad for my husband. I wish he would have gotten more time with his father.

I have told he kids that it is o.k., but there is nothing o.k. He should have had more time. He was too young and we loved him too much. There is nothing o.k. or fair about his death.

I am a very lucky. I am married to a great guy. And it is his parents I have to thank–they raised him right and have him handsome genes. They also have loved me like a daughter. They fully supported us through our crazy journey of foster care (being Grandma and Grandpa to all who came and went no matter how long they were with us). They have loved me, accepted me and treated me like a daughter. And it is not time for me to let go of my Dad yet.

Once we heard the news we worked to get B home with his sister and mom… It was not an easy day. The kids are devastated. B had to be away from us to be with others who need him, too. My parents and family were trying to help as much as they can—but, this is a loss that can’t be fixed, at least not without some time and healing…

Hold close the ones that you love. Use each day and treasure them the best that you can. Life is far too short.

Love you so very much Dad.