If you know me, you’ve heard me say, “I hate people.” The longer you’ve known me, the more often you’ve heard this phrase.
Today, it was tossed around on a website that I frequent. They were talking about a woman who put her adopted son on a plane, alone, on his way back to Russia. At first, I agreed. Adoption is forever. There are no give backs. When you commit to adopting a child, it’s not a short term commitment.
But, then, as I have thought more about this story–and I don’t know how it’s possible to block it from your mind–I cannot have anything near hatred for this woman. I can only imagine the pain and heartache and tears that she’s been going through. To get to a point that you’d make such a horrible decision, what do you have to go through? I can only imagine the sense of loss and failure and pain that she and her family are going through right now. And, it’s not a hurt that left with the child. She’s lost her dream, her child, her identity as a mom. I am not saying that I agree with her choice. I cannot fathom my life without any of my children.
But, I do understand how easy it is to be fooled. I watch new foster/adoptive parents enter our classes and they all have this picture in their minds. They can actually see the little girl or boy who they will love openly. They have nothing but hope for the future. The hardest thing for me to do is get them to realize that love is not enough. These are children who have been neglected, abused, abandoned. They’re survivors who learn how to cope at far too young an age without the guidance that they needed. Love is essential, but it’s just not enough.
I don’t think that I’ve met a foster or adoptive parent who wasn’t doing it for the right reasons. They all have these amazing hearts and homes that they are so willing to open. I just wish they all had the tools to deal with the junk that will come with these hurt little ones.