So, I have a vent.
And I’m worried that it could offend some.
But, I kind of don’t care. Because if it does offend, maybe it’ll also teach.
As you know, we just adopted our V. And we had a massive party (photos have been proofed, now just waiting for our disc so we can share!). A bunch of people came and tons brought gifts (thanks!) others asked and were told not to buy anything (Thanks to you, too! You listened to me and were still here to enjoy our special day & that’s what we needed.).
This post isn’t directed at any of you.
This is for those of you who know we adopted, were sent an announcement and didn’t do anything. Not a card. Not a call. No gift. Nada.
I think that stinks.
None of our kids came to our family the “traditional” way. We never had a shower. We didn’t get to plan for months and months for them. And, when they came, we didn’t know if they’d stay or go. We didn’t expect gifts for each of them (and thank you to those who helped us during those difficult transitions).
We get that it’s different than having a biological child.
But, an adoption is still a birth. You might not know that in just a few days I’ll be able to request a new birth certificate for V. On that b.c., we’ll be listed as his mother and father. We are. As Brian’s uncle joked, he was born at 10:34.
I guess my vent is just to those who don’t “get it”. These are my babies, their births just happened a few years later than “normal”. But, they still deserved to be showered with kindness and cards and even a gift or two.
I wondered if I was alone in having these feelings. So, I asked a few other adoptive parents… and their experiences were similar. Family not aknowleging the huge change in their lives… children being ignored.And it’s not fair! (Insert bratty stomp!)
What’s hardest for me is the expectation that goes the other way. I’m expected to attend the baby showers and buy the gifts for each new baby (planned or not). So, I’m going to raise the bar right now. From now on you are *expected* to celebrate each adoption in a huge way. It’s a birth with a pregnancy that goes on for year. It’s a pile of paperwork and a roller-coaster of emotions. And they’re oh so beautiful. I expect you to call on the day of the adoption and ask the details. I expect you to be excited and tell all of our friends about the new addition to your family. I expect you to change yourself (and hope that it spreads…). I expect you to ensure that I’m one of the last adoptive mamas that will feel sadness around such a special day .
(And like I said, if you’ve already made this change… kindly disregard)