I haven’t posted here.
And what have I been up to?
Running, running, running.
And errands and kids. And laundry and kids and dishes and errands and running. Lather, rinse, repeat..
Somewhere in there I have had a couple ill kids, I’ve battled another sinus infection or two… There were a few weeks that asthma was killing me. And I have still been watching the little dude three days a week. Oh, and in case that didn’t keep me busy enough, I still have my Daisy troop and the volunteer work for the kids’ classes. The truth is that my life is good. But, as good as it is, it’s also busy.
I have managed to get the runs in though. A few weeks ago I was planning on an 18 mile run. And my legs and my head gave up. I only made it 17 miles. It was frustrating and scary. Thankfully, I rallied and made it a whole 20 miles in my training run this past weekend. Each of these runs has been my longest run ever. And I made it!
I am under 2 weeks away from my marathon. I was fighting some killer insomnia last night and started looking at the site for the race. I am both a little relieved and a little more freaked out now that I’ve done so.
The good news = I will not be kicked off the course if I don’t keep the 6 hour pace, they’ll just shut down the course at 6 hours.. LOL! But, that is good news.. I will be able to finish! The bad news = I still don’t know if my legs will carry me that far. I have read a lot of training plans.. Many of them have the longest pre-race run at only 20 miles. Other marathoners have told me that 20 miles is long enough for a long run. It’s still freaking scary.
Along with the running training.. I am still fighting my other battles. I am still in the marathon against my food issues. Over the last year or so 10 pounds crept back on… And in the last two months another 10 pounds. I am back out of my thin clothes. There are items that are new with tags that are hanging my closet that I may never wear. Sigh. It’s frustrating. It feels un-ending (and I know, for a fact, that it really *is* an un-ending battle for me). I am starting to loathe the body that I see in the mirror. And it’s compounded by the fact that my body *should* be amazing me. Who would have dreamed that *I* could ever run 20 miles?!?
And hand-in-hand with my weight and food issues are my depression issues.
As I type this the tears are coming. Thankfully, the tears are far less frequent than they were in years past. I have been working with my therapist for about a year now and there are times that I feel like I am making progress and that there could be a finish line somewhere in my future. But, on days like today, I feel like I am at the bottom of a well and there’s no rope waiting to pull me up.
So, that’s my other battle. And it is a battle.