So, I am having a really hard time letting go of the friend drama… I have a million arguments in my mind about why we are worthy, and why my kids shouldn’t be judged like that and why I don’t deserve that judgement. But, honestly, we all judge. I am among the worst. And I expect to be judged. I warn my kids that they are always going to be judged by their skin color and their wardrobe and their punctuation. I even was telling them about judging people for their cringe-worthy e-mail names on resumes the other day. I don’t think it was the judgement that has been weighing so heavy on my heart. I *get* that. I truly do.
I think the real problem that is breaking my heart is where the judgement is coming from… People who I thought were my friends. I am fairly guarded when talking about our difficulties in parenting (back to that whole knowing that I am being judged thing!). So, if I have told you about what we have faced, it was told because I trusted you. We rarely discuss our choice of consequences outside of these walls. One, because we don’t want to shame our kids and two, because why? So, if you assume you know how we handle things, you should probably stop that. If you’re curious about how we are doing and what sort of progress or problems we are facing, asking would be a good step.
I know that what we have faced as parents is not typical. But, I can assure you that we need what everyone needs.. a shoulder to cry on, someone to share a bottle of wine with, hearing every once in awhile that our efforts are seen.
If you can’t do that, that’s ok. The very least you can do, as a human, is be kind. Don’t talk behind our backs. Don’t make judgments about things you know nothing about. And, if you do, keep those to yourself.
I am still struggling, but it’s been helpful and healthy for me to really put my finger on why this whole thing has had me in tears for weeks. I just thought that we were friends.