So, I promised more info. And I think I owe it to myself to dive a little deeper and sort of process what happened this weekend.
I chatted with quite a few friends before this visit. It was a really big deal for me/us/her/Bean.
And it’s so hard (impossible?), to know if we’re making the right choices.
I realize there are tons of open adoptions and these sorts of visits happen everyday. But, those aren’t my kids! And most open adoptions happen because a birth parent decides to place a child up for adoption. That just wasn’t the case for us..
So, it wasn’t easy. I think if B would have had his way, we would have cancelled last minute. The “what if”s can be overwhelming. And, we add to the normal worries another layer–we have our boys to think about. Their mom just isn’t in a place where they can have the same experience. We hope that at some point, they, too, will be able to know their biological family. But, for now, we just want them to know that they’re loved and not to be too jealous of Bean.
Anyhow, I am glad we went through with the visit.
Bean had a few things to give to her BM (bio-mom). She took a piece of pottery she had painted and some school work. But, when we arrived, she was too shy. She was sort of doing the hip-hugging hide thing that kiddos do. So, it was a little awkward. But, in a few minutes they found common ground through technology… Bean took my phone and showed BM all the pictures. BM also showed Bean her photos. B & I were a little nervous about how people would be introduced… Bean has a couple bio-siblings… And she knows, but the things she “knows” are vastly different than what she really “gets”. Thankfully, BM was very cautious with her wording.
It was a good visit.
I don’t know that I am in a rush to do it again.
But, I do think it was the right thing to do.
I really hope that this visit (and any possibly in the future) will just help Bean as she becomes her own person. I hope that she feels loved and wanted as sees that her BM loves her, too.