Today Might Just Be the Day...

What happens in the daily life of the family.. the drama of foster care, the adventures of parenting, & pictures to share with everyone!

Protect Yourself

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I am on-line *a lot*. And some of my best friends live in m computer. But, there are a lot of crazies out there!!

My boys are getting to the age that they want to play more on-line games. The requests for sign-ups comes pretty much every weekend (no weekday video games here during school).

So, the lectures have started.

Don’t give your full name.
Nobody needs your address or phone number–EVER!
Don’t share where you go to school.
It’s easy for people to lie through a computer.

And on and on… I generally don’t stop until they’ve done a minimum of 4 “yes mom”s and a couple eye rolls.

More than them though, I think we all need a little reminder about how unsafe the cyber world can be. If you’ve never been to spokeo, go there now, put your name in and be prepared to freak out a little. The first time I went, I saw a photo of my house, with my car in the drive & you could read my plates. My address, car & babies were that easy to find.

I freaked.

With our less-than-typical family, we have to be extra cautious and all of that was right there! So, I made sure to get my info off that site…

Then I did a little more, too.

I wanted our phone & address to be unlisted. You may not know this, I was clueless, but the phone company charges a monthly few to be unlisted. They do not, however, care if you change your name. Go ahead, be creative.. Change it to Regina Phelangie 😉 No charge & I get a giggle when I get junk mail, too.

Next step, see where you can be found–google yourself and your spouse. My guy is out in the public for work, there’s not a whole lot we can do about it, but, thankfully, it doesn’t lead to our doorstep. I am all over FaceBook & you *might* find this blog if you really search.

But, I *try* to keep my settings on FaceBook where I feel comfortable & I do try to keep my kids personal info off of here.. I share their faces and smiles and stories, but I avoid naming their school. I crop our address out of photos.

And, the last thing (but, maybe it should be the first..?), I have tried to co-parent my kids in a way that would give those other relatives no need to find us. We keep a PO Box, we are willing to share information. When we were actively fostering we made every effort to respect the biological parents and keep them in the loop.

I think it’s silly to assume you’re safe. I am pretty sure anyone reading this could find our address somehow. I just try to keep an extra layer, make it a little harder, and live in a way that nobody sees the need…

Besides, if you want to talk to me, just push that “comment” button–I love comments!!

Your cousin’s/sisters’s/daughter’s/son’s/friend’s kid needs a home…?

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Lately, I have been running into more and more families who are entering the world of fostering because of need, not because they want to.

These families are finding themselves facing a kid who needs a home. Most of them are related to the kids. But, that’s not always the case–sometimes it’s a friend. It doesn’t really matter how it comes about. The fact is that there is a kid who needs a home and a family that wants to step in.

Kids do best when they can keep connections. So, keeping a kid with a relative or a neighbor or someone they know is good. But, these well-meaning families are unprepared. I think that pretty much anyone who takes on a non-bio kid is unprepared the first time or two around. And most foster parents have training and support and are going into it with some support. Relatives who get that emergency call have none of that.

When I am asked advice about these situations there are a few things I highly recommend.

1. Get your foster license. Going through the process of licensure will give you some training. You will form a relationship with the state or an agency. You may get to know other foster families (huge advantage!). And, you, likely will get more financial assistance for the child from the state if you are a licensed home.

2. Get the state involved. I know it’s tempting to avoid “the system”. And it’s scary to face the unknown. But, going it alone is a huge risk. Imagine you take your nephew in when your sister is dealing with the court system in regards to some drug issues. Six month later, he’s doing well and you’ve all adjusted.. Sister can show up and take him out of that good situation and throw him right back into chaos. Without the involvement of the state it can be far more difficult to get guardianship, it can limit your ability to make decisions, and financially, you are on the hook. If nothing else, foster kids here have excellent medical insurance. Yes, the system has issues, but they also can help.

3. Find some support. Get online and see if there is a Relatives as Parents organization in your area.. Ask a social worker for local groups.

http://www.raisingyourgrandchildren.com/State_information.htm

This site had a ton of links, organized by state, that were just a click away.

Love is not enough. But, it is a good start 🙂

Feelings

By: comment

So, I promised more info. And I think I owe it to myself to dive a little deeper and sort of process what happened this weekend.

I chatted with quite a few friends before this visit. It was a really big deal for me/us/her/Bean.

And it’s so hard (impossible?), to know if we’re making the right choices.

I realize there are tons of open adoptions and these sorts of visits happen everyday. But, those aren’t my kids! And most open adoptions happen because a birth parent decides to place a child up for adoption. That just wasn’t the case for us..

So, it wasn’t easy. I think if B would have had his way, we would have cancelled last minute. The “what if”s can be overwhelming. And, we add to the normal worries another layer–we have our boys to think about. Their mom just isn’t in a place where they can have the same experience. We hope that at some point, they, too, will be able to know their biological family. But, for now, we just want them to know that they’re loved and not to be too jealous of Bean.

Anyhow, I am glad we went through with the visit.

Bean had a few things to give to her BM (bio-mom). She took a piece of pottery she had painted and some school work. But, when we arrived, she was too shy. She was sort of doing the hip-hugging hide thing that kiddos do. So, it was a little awkward. But, in a few minutes they found common ground through technology… Bean took my phone and showed BM all the pictures. BM also showed Bean her photos. B & I were a little nervous about how people would be introduced… Bean has a couple bio-siblings… And she knows, but the things she “knows” are vastly different than what she really “gets”. Thankfully, BM was very cautious with her wording.

It was a good visit.

I don’t know that I am in a rush to do it again.

But, I do think it was the right thing to do.

I really hope that this visit (and any possibly in the future) will just help Bean as she becomes her own person. I hope that she feels loved and wanted as sees that her BM loves her, too.