Today Might Just Be the Day...
What happens in the daily life of the family.. the drama of foster care, the adventures of parenting, & pictures to share with everyone!
So, the pup has a name… She’s Maggie and she also has the family falling over ourselves to care for her.
In fact, the biggest issue I had yesterday was getting the kids to give her some peace and quiet.
Today we took her to see the vet. There are no concerns and I am hoping that she’s already forgiven me for the shots. The only big news was finding out how big she is. She weighs in at a huge 1.8 pounds.
Big old Yoda eyes
Sleepy Pup
I am a horrible blogger these days. And it’s days like today that explain why. Right now I am typing with one hand in our bathroom. The other hand is holding a puppy who I am trying to bottle feed. And we are in the bathroom because we are doing a lice treatment on the Bean.
This life prevents boredome.
So, I meant to post this a really long time ago. And I think it’ll end up being a multi-part post…
We have ventured into new waters as adoptive parents this year. We are finally discovering what an open adoption means/looks like to us.
Long before we adopted any of our children, we were asked if we’d consider an open adoption. And, honestly, it was a tough choice for us. With many open adoptions, it’s the biological parents that have initiated the adoption. They’ve made the choice to give their child a better opportunity and have asked the adoptive parents to remain in the child’s life. In this situation, I think an open adoption is an easy choice. It makes sense. But, with kids who are being adopted through “the system” the situation is a little different. There’s no innocence on the part of the biological parent. The biological parent didn’t make the selfless choice to give up their child, rather the biological parent made choices and did *something* that caused the child to be removed. In some situations, the child went through very little (the case of our Bean, for example, she was exposed to drugs in utero, but has shown no long term effects at this point). In other situations, the children will wear the physical scars for a lifetime. And, sometimes the children will face a lifetime of emotional and behavioral issues because of the actions of the biological parent.
It’s really easy to hate the biological parents for what they did to your child.
It is.
That’s not a pretty side of foster care and adoption, but it’s a real side.
So, it’s hard to think about letting the person who did anything wrong to your child continue to be a part of their lives… even in a small way.
However, I like to think that B and I matured and grew in our time fostering. Through meeting biological parents, through taking foster parenting classes, through seeing the ins and outs of the system and the families, we changed. Yes, there is still a part of me who hates the people who would even think of causing any harm to my boys or my daughter. But, I also know that no matter what choices or decisions were made, those people will always be a part of our lives. There is no denying the fact that my kids all have 2 moms.
More than that, we love our children. And we needed to make a choice about an open adoption not for the biological parents or for ourselves, we needed to think about our kids.
Ideally, we’d love for them to grow up and never give their biological families another thought. I’d love for them to just always think of B and I as Mom and Dad and just view us as family–not adoptive, just family. But, I don’t know that that will happen. And it’s selfish to think that that is the only way that things will/should go. More likely, my kids will at some point have questions. They’ll want to know who they look like. They’ll want to know about what medical issues are in their families. They’ll be curious to know about their biological families.
So, we have, in our own way, tried to create a history for them.
Back in 2007 we got a P.O. Box at a local post office. And we’ve given the box number to the biological families of all of our children. We’ve received a few things through the years from various members of the biological family of our boys. That’s pretty much the extent of where things have gone on that end.
Bean, is a different story. Before her biological mom relinquished her rights, we entered into a formal open adoption agreement. Each open adoption is different. They can be very limited–only letters once a year, for example. Or, they can be very involved with the biological family having visits and being involved in the daily life of the child. Our agreement was more on the limited end.
Another really important thing to note is that in an open adoption, the adoptive parents are still the parents and they’re the ones that get to make the final call. In our agreement it states that if there’s a point that we feel that the open adoption agreement isn’t in the best interest of Bean, we’re free to break the agreement. I think that this should be in every open adoption agreement (and, to my understanding, it’s very standard).
The rest of this story/post really has to do with what has happened in that open adoption over the past year. And I think I’m going to have to continue it tomorrow. Because 1-just writing up to this point has brought me to tears a couple times and 2-it’s time for me to do my real “job” and get my kidlets to bed.
Take Care!
I’m full of excuses for why I haven’t posted lately. And this week the excuse is parties…
Saturday night we celebrated Grandpa and Bean’s birthdays together with dinner out followed by cake and ice-cream here. Then on Monday, Bean’s actual birthday, she and I spent the day together just having fun–we painted pottery, went out to lunch, and did a little bit of shopping. Tuesday we had her first “friend” party with a few friends from school at an indoor trampoline park. And then today we’ve not really done anything, but we’re certainly remembering that it is her “Gotcha Day” (by the way, if you haven’t read it yet, my guest blog post was all about “Gotcha Day” and how they have a bad rap in the international adoption world).
Getting a good shot of a bouncing kid is hard!
I guess you could say that we’ve just been busy having too much fun!
When Grandpa opened this he said, "Someone really does love me."
And we now have a couple of days off before we start the holiday celebrations. Saturday we’re having a few friends over to the house for Christmas crafts and cheer 🙂
Life is still busy, busy as always.
I don’t know how people keep their blogs up daily. It just isn’t going to happen here.
In fact, I’ve blogged on someone else’s blog more recently than I’ve updated my own! If you want to check out my guest appearance (and you know you want to–I think it’s a great little piece on something that is somewhat controversial in the adoption community), just go ahead and click here.
Hopefully, I’ll get back on here this week so I can share photos of our newest 5 year old (assuming that things go well and she survives the night!).
I will also be sharing some of our holiday traditions and some crafts that we’re doing.
Hope everyone is staying warm.
I rarely ever swear. I just don’t see the need. But, something about running long distances makes me want to cuss up a storm. I %@#@(! ran 13.1 miles! (Well… so, I didn’t run the whole thing, but I did finish the whole thing!)
I did my first half marathon last Sunday. I think I posted before about having that as a goal. Well, mission accomplished! I finished it! It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t fast and neither was I. But, in 3 hours and 11 minutes I made it from Scottsdale to Tempe.
And I have an amazing support system.. Daddy was there to watch the kids for me during my long runs and he brought the clan down to watch me finish the race. One of my besties brought me flowers… It was a painful, but wonderful day!
My Finisher's Medal
